Dating is hard. Just is. There’s so much shit that goes into it, it’s not even funny. Most of the time I can’t even. With myself. And with others.

First, you pour into yourself, so to speak. You do some serious healing work. Every. Single. Day. And by that I mean, you read self help books in order to grow, in hopes to learn how to avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationships, if you even get that far. You follow a strict self care routine, like your life depends on it. You go to the gym, eat healthy, think positively at all times, because if you skip a beat, you start spinning downhill and you might not even be lucky enough to hit a hard rock bottom. You learn how to detach from any expectations, hopes and dreams, so you won’t fall into the trap of being disappointed. Again. You also make sure that your heart is full of gratitude for all of the things you already have, in hopes to get more. Now, how authentic are you, if all you have in mind is the outcome, and not necessarily the journey? I guess, don’t ask me, because I’m still on that path, trying to figure out legitimacy of myself on a deep, philosophical level, if, plain and simple, I just do not like being alone. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am naturally a very thankful person but some days, I’m just realizing, I have fucking limits too. It’s not that I can not find reasons to be thankful for, because I do, but the problem presents itself, when I start thinking about being authentic, to the core of my being and not taking things for granted, as most of us, humans, do. For example, I’m beyond thankful for my health and the ability to move my body every day, but at the same time, I so often find myself not questioning it at all or putting it in my gratitude journal. So does it make me grateful or not?

A huge part of healing, is to let go of the past, forgive yourself and others, and thank God/the Universe/the Source, or whatever you believe in, for all of the lessons. After all, past experiences shaped you into a person you are today, right here and right now. I’m definitely a better version of myself, but would I just rather, sometimes, not go through all of the pain, tears, anxiety, loneliness, facing my fears, and just stay in my little bubble? Unaware of all of the dangers of the outside world?

I mean, the biggest trap, of being a woman, is being raised watching fairytales. We have it engraved in our minds, that there is a Prince Charming, who will come on a white horse and will save us from ourselves, and from the world around us. Now, THAT is a true mind fuck in itself. Either, we find ourselves waiting for our Prince Charming, for that once in a lifetime connection, and therefore are too closed off to notice all of the wonderful opportunities presenting themselves along the way, just to wake up 20 years later, realizing that was some serious bullshit, but by then, it’s way too late to get a refund, or start over. Or, we jump into a relationship, romanticizing the shit out of it, to the point we don’t see reality around us, or who the person we just woke up next to, truly is. I mean, isn’t it just better, to be raised knowing the outside world is not a fairytale? That people are often times not what they seem to be and that there are some good humans, and some bitches (gender neutral) who have no problem stabbing you in the back, in order to get what they want? Individuals that will lie, cheat, ghost you without any explanation? Friends that will sell you out, end friendships because of their own agendas and internal issues? And that ultimately, nothing lasts forever, nor is what it seems? And that we are here to learn lessons and gain experiences? And that neither one of us, humans, is an exception of any rule? And that it’s all a jungle? Isn’t it just better, to be prepared for the worst, but at the same time be hopeful and grateful for all of the good things that come rolling your way?

Now, let’s just say, you overcame your bitterness and healed enough, to put yourself out there, and decided to “proceed with caution”, hoping and praying, that the light at the end of the tunnel, is indeed here.

And the “hunger games” begin…

First, you realize that majority of people your age, are already taken. Another chunk just got out of long term relationships, and want to be single for awhile or forever, unwilling or not capable of forming any type of meaningful connection. Then, we have a group of people that are still healing or emotionally unavailable. A group that wants kids, or have a problem with you having kids, or your kids are too young or too old. Another group of individuals don’t even have a job, or have no idea where their life is going. A group that has no emotional maturity, communication skills, self awareness, same core values, compatibility or education and you simply don’t connect on an intellectual level. Which leaves you with bread crumbs. Literally. And if that wasn’t terrible and very unfortunate already, there’s another “bonus” or “the cherry on top” as I call it. All of those left over bread crumbs do not, and I repeat, do NOT live in your area. So that’s that.

But let’s just say, for the sake of an argument, you made it. You went through the maze of impossible, and found a willing individual, that checks off most of the boxes on your “wish list” and keeps asking you out. You slowly start to open up and believe that maybe, just maybe, there is the light at the end of the tunnel.

And then, all of a sudden, without any warning, you find yourself pushed into a rose bush, full of thorns. As you’re trying to pull them out of your body, one by one, and about to say: “What the fuck?”, you look around and realize that you’re all alone…