“Truly, it was the grandest of all the balls And my dress like a hazy dream So many other girls he knew But he chose me And had only eyes for me (…)

I want a fairytale life And I believe That for once, I’ll be the chosen one And for once, I’ll get exactly what I dream of (…)

They say, happiness is short lived But are my slowly falling tears unnecessary? Or will my fairytale be the one with the sad ending? (…)

Who is the Cinderella? You or me? Choose me, for once, choose me What will happen, when the ball is over? Will you find me, lost, in a crowd of gray faces? Will you give me a sign? (…) That I’m the one? Before one more day passes meaninglessly by?

Is today the day I will win all or nothing? Or my last chance (for my fairytale to come true) was that grand ball? (…)

And when the wind is blowing in my face Am I wasting time for illusions? Choosing lonely, winding roads? And impossible routes? Will I stumble and fall? Make a fatal mistake?

Or is it time to wipe away my tears? Before my dream comes true?

Please, choose me And find me Today”

Metro Musical//Studio Buffo

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m a dreamer. I want a fairytale. Let’s just say it. Out loud. Unapologetically. Exactly how it is. Raw and pure. To the core.

My fairytale, is finding an everlasting, unconditional love. The one, that is like a tree. The tree, that will stand against the test of time. No matter the season, it becomes taller and stronger, while its roots are deepening their hold in the soil.

Sometimes. Ok. Most of the time, I feel I am being ridiculous to say the least. I’ve been soaring on this planet long enough to know and to realize that nothing, and I mean nothing, is what it seems. People do not say what they mean, and they do not mean what they say, which leaves me feeling, well, ridiculous, as I am the person who does both. All of the time.

Is it really that hard to do just those two things? Or, am I being unreasonable expecting that from others, as I am having the same expectations towards myself? I do not have to, necessarily, only hear things I want to hear and in fact, I would expect that it would be the other way around. I do not, and am not going to hear, most of the time, things I want to, but at least, I would be given a choice of deciding for myself, of how I want to move forward. Feeling hurt or upset, or not liking unflattering words being expressed by someone, is one thing, and is quite normal. That’s something, all of us humans, need to make peace with, accept, and let go of. That’s something each individual needs to deal with on their own. Or at least, should, at a very young age, learn how to. After all, the “terrible twos and threes” stage of life, should be left behind, where it belongs.

To me, however, having a choice, makes a day and night difference, on how I feel about such situation. I respect the person, that has that kind of integrity, honesty, and emotional maturity to openly speak their mind. It also shows me that such individual, is capable of respecting another beings time, energy, boundaries, and by extension, them as a person. As a whole.

That expectation, in itself, seems to be my own undoing, in a dating world. Let me elaborate further. When I say, that I like someone I am romantically pursuing, well, allowing them to pursue me, as I am a female and believe, that it is a mans job to pursue a woman, for various reasons, that I will explain at some point, or, when I say, that I see the future with that individual, mention that I am looking to rebuild my empire, find my counterpart, or my divine masculine, I mean it. I just do. Plain and simple. I do not use “the same script” so to speak, to every man I meet or go out with on a date, or allow to pursue me. Obviously. That would be insane. And clearly, would not follow the rule of “mean what you say, and say what you mean”.

As simple as it sounds, I find myself, more and more, in owe, realizing, of how men, decide to follow “the script” to the “T” with every female they meet or pursue, just to avoid hurting their feelings, or not wanting to be perceived as a “bad guy”. They bamboozle the shit out of you, feeding into the Cinderella fairytale, that you have engraved in your heart, and coursing through your veins, since you were a little girl, just to leave you stuck in “the rose bush”, pulling the thorns out of your throbbing limbs, while by then, they are nowhere to be found. (Please go and read my “The Rose Bush” piece to better understand the analogy)

The biggest problem, in my humble opinion, is, that men do not even have to say most of the shit they choose to say. For instance, if they are not looking for a committed, fulfilling relationship at the moment and just are occupying their free time, having fun, or whatever else they are deciding to do, then they can just say what they mean and want, and let it land where it may. Let it sink in. If they are still in the process of healing, and are older than a five year old, then I would safely assume, Mother Nature, gave them a gift of speech, so they can communicate their thoughts with the rest of the world, and there is absolutely no need for them to be shy, especially, that if favorable circumstances presented themselves, they would barefacedly use that gift to their advantage, just so you would be aware of EXACTLY what they need, want, and like. Also, they can just choose to shut the fuck up. And leave bamboozling out of conversations.

As funny as it appears at first, the analogy, I’ve recently heard (and sorry, I do not remember, where I stumbled upon it, or who said it, so I’m not able to give credits due, to that person) mentioned that women fall for words, therefore men, lie. Men, on the other hand, fall for looks, so women wear make up. But the more I think about it, the less funny it becomes. That’s just another example of how decreasingly authentic things are becoming. Weeding through all the bullshit, is like having a full time job, and “nobody has time for that”. I repeat. Nobody.

Here’s another one of those “hilarious”, but not really, expressions flying around. Men do not have to lie, as women will do that for them, and lie to themselves. A bit true, due to the lack of communication, and, sadly, the lack of being straight forward, honest and authentic. The “guessing game” in the dating world is insane. Since, men, often times, find it hard to express their feelings, emotions, agendas, needs, wants and what they are truly looking for in a relationship, we, women, are left with guessing and assuming all of the above. Whatever we come up with, on our own, is hardly ever, if ever, corrected, by men we are seeing, and so the disconnect grows like wild mushrooms after the rain.

And again. Mean what you say, and say what you mean. Keep in mind, and make sure, that whatever you put on a table, you’re truly willing to serve. Because you just might be taken up on that offer.

And that, it just might be someones “dream” on that table.

A fairytale…

And that woman you see, across the table, is just a really girl, dreaming her dream…

The Cinderella…